Phrases for language acquisition

The sad truth about most language learning courses and teach yourself apps is that they suck. As a man fluent in dozens of languages who has also read some stuff on Wikipedia about human nature and shit, I can be quite certain when I say that these so-called tools just don't understand me. They throw out all kinds of pseudo-scientific terminology about grammar being in the aether of the human mind and innate-submersion-transmogrification, when what we really need is a psychotomimetic approach to language acquisition. For you lame men, a psychotomimetic approach is to follow an average person around for a few days and figure out about 5-10 phrases they use most frequently. Sadly, our ante-intellectual po-po-patrol have tried to throw me in the hoosegaol for 'stalking' on a few occasions. But, like, they had to follow me around to catch me, right? Who's the stalker now? They only set science back by a few weeks, though, and I've been able to sort out those commonest phrases. If you can memorize these few things, you can become familiar with a new tongue in a matter of minutes.

• Yes
• No
• Where is the bathroom?
• Two whiskeys
• I just watched the free channels
• This party is lame
• I love you
• Get away from me, you crazy bitch