Monday, April 16, 2012

Bug report to Facebook

This is an actual bug report I made to The Facebook. I welcome all manner of comments.

Why is it that, while there is a trend towards "automatic" sharing, which is supposed to make sharing links and ideas with my friends so easy I don't even have to do it, I have to try to read some inscrutable captacha when I want to share a link to a news story? Is it because I share too many links? If so, think of me as a loyal user of your platform and don't tax my eyesight.

Also, with regard to automatically shared news links and music, are you serious or what? I don't want to have to add an "app," as you call it, just to read a story that's potentially (but probably not) interesting. Does that seem worth the potential risk of sharing my personal information with (yet another) third party? If you think I'm spamming you now, why would should the fact that there's an "app" for that change the fact that I'm spamming you? I read loads of articles on the internet, and the ones I post comprise a very small fraction of that set. I post the ones that I like best, or that I think my friends will like best, or the ones I'm not embarrassed  to share with a group of hundreds of people that includes a range of social circles from close friends to [guy I met at a party once] to [family member I don't want to tell grandma I am a lush / commie pinko / gay rights sympathizer]. Maybe I would like to ogle Scarlett Johansson's bum without broadcasting that fact to Yahoo News and a bunch of relative strangers. Maybe I want to know why it hurts when I pee without engaging the machinery of the fourth estate. Maybe I don't have anything to hide, but I've made a conscious decision to keep certain things to myself "just cos." You know, privacy.

Are you high? Are you high right now? Or do you think this is going to boost your profit margin? Sharing a link with you is sharing a link with you. The ads still get displayed and/or clicked on whether I use the "app" or not. Likewise, you can ad that I prefer to read a particular news source or that I have a particular interest by parsing the URL or metadata. There's no need to open an even bigger hole in my privacy by allowing some BOFH or social media moron at The Guardian see the data you dutifully store away in a database that's so big that RELATIONALITY IS NO LONGER FEASIBLE. Why is that even a good idea? Think about your life. Think about your choices.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Does making changes to your weblog make you live longer?

I would like there to be one of those pop-ups asking you to take a survey as soon as you find yourself on one of my webpages that you were only minimally interested in. Ideally the pop-up will black out the text you came here to read based on a title that's only minimally related to the body text (i.e., what the economically-minded will call "content" on the mistaken assumption that I digest pointless words made up of tiny pixels only to express it as waste matter or "web-streaming," in the language of the 1%ers). Make it go away I can't bear to look at it anymore. Give me a survey pop-up or give me death. I would like to share my opinions about a text I haven't read on a website I haven't heard of that isn't about what I thought it was and if you won't let me do it just end it for me before the agony becomes too much. Promise? Changing your weblog won't make you live longer. Nothing will. Is it a cliche to claim that an article isn't worth writing if you can answer its title with a yes or a no? No, a cliche is a typesetting implement that only typography-[heart]ing hipsters will appreciate. Altering a cliche is like poking your typesetter in the face with a hot iron. Also, clever! God, I love me some altered cliches like a dead horse. You don't have a typesetter. You don't even have someone to read your copy. You don't know what copy is. Push it to the Web. Push, push, push, Williams-- push, push, push. But mainly I would like a pop-up ad to obscure these pointless words. They will not help you. Do not read them. Do not let them upset you. They are good words, like content and monetization. This weblog is monetized; give me the money please. [Find: "please" replace all with "if you please."] Incoherent lightly, do you telephone? No, no, not on this backbone, smartly.